Mommy in Pieces

Just a mom that wears a cape under her street clothes.

Archive for the category “patience”

Demons Be Gone

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I was the girl that ALWAYS looked for the excuse.  Tried to find a way to explain away my unhealthy life.  Felt a calling and a magnetic pull to the couch and the TV.  I could come up with a million reasons at the drop of the hat as to why I was overweight; genetics, my knee, I tried hard…..

 

1381960_10151945025045871_200699152_n(1)I cant tell you the exact moment that I decided that enough was enough, it was a gradual awakening.  I laced up my shoes, chose healthy over what I “thought” I wanted.  I walked, then I jogged, then I ran!  I have completed races that my own community said that I would fail at.

Last night.. the old demons surfaced.  I was tired, I wanted sweets, I was stressed out by life and my kids.  It was late, there was a wild storm raging, the treadmill had stuff on it, there was TV to watch…  But, I put on my shoes, I put on my workout clothes.  Stepped on to the treadmill that I hadn’t used since I had gotten it for free a few months ago.   The sound of the motor so loud in my second floor apartment, I wanted to turn it off.  The pounding of my steps echoing…  I thought for sure the folks downstairs would call animal control to report a heard of elephants had taken up residence on the second floor.  Then the coup de grâce, I discovered the belt on the treadmill itself was slippery.. I kept sliding.  My face felt a magnetic pull to the display console.  Every time I tried to pic up the pace to get into a run, gravity tried to have its way with me.  I REALLY wanted to quit.  Instead, I increased the incline, kicked up the speed to a fast walk and climbed and held on for dear life!!  I think that I even got a decent arm workout!

2miles of up hill climb, sweating buckets, I had fought back the weight of excuses drawing me back to a sedentary existence. Never give up.  No Excuses.  Making the hard choices for an even better future.

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Every Day I’m Hustlin’

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We have made it through the first 10 days of the year! How ya’ll feeling? It feels like it flew.. Next thing you know we will be rolling up our sleeves to dig into February. Heck, the stores already have the pink and white going for Valentine’s Day! My Christmas decorations just barely got to storage!

We are about 1/36th the way through the year. Now it doesn’t feel like so much! There is still a lot of year to be had!

January has brought a lot of new things to my calendar in the form of challenges. I am involved with 3 and I love that they are all tied together with a wonderful thread of continuity.

The first challenge is hosted by one of my favorite authors and social media gurus, Jon Acuff. I am participating in his 30 Days of Hustle project. Combine the power of social media, good will, and proper goal setting, and you get 30 days of amazing stories, new personal connections from around the world, and amazing goal completion. People’s goals are varied; some related to their avocations and some to their vocations, health, running, family togetherness. But the common core of all of them is improvement. It is an amazing community to check in with each day and got my spiritual tank topped off, while restoring my faith in the humanity that swells around us.

My goal for these 30 days is very simple: run 30 miles. Sounds simple enough! I am coming off of post race blues and some difficulty with my IT Band. I had not run since Thanksgiving Day when I ran my worst race ever. It was time to pick myself up, dust off the kicks, and get the rubber to the road. If I ran 3 times a week and averaged 2.27 miles per run, I would meet my goal……

Introducing Challenge #2: Another Mother Runner‘s Mother’s Day Challenge!  This challenge begins on Monday the 13th!  A group of really amazing women have all come together virtually to train for a 10k or a 1/2 Marathon.  I have chosen to tackle my 2nd Half Marathon.  I will be taking part in the Long Island Half Marathon on May 4, 2014.  The course for this race will be very similar to the course that I ran for my first Half Marathon.  I will be attempting to improve my time from the first race.  It is going to be a long, uphill battle to get back up to running that distance again and I will need to be working on improving the rest of me along the way and to help me meet that goal…..

Introducing Challenge #3: The Perfect Pair Kettlebell Challenge  Thanks to the evil genius at Kettlebellworkouts.com , I will be spending some major quality time with my 10lb.s kettlebell and my yoga mat.  With consecutive ladders or kettlebell swings and push ups, my arms and core will be getting the same torturous treatment that my leg are getting!

 

I have a feeling that my body, mind, and soul are going to get a major workout!!!

Pursuing The Finish

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At the beginning of each year, it is hard not to set a New Year’s Resolution.  It is all over the media, your friends and family are talking about it, its tradition.  It becomes difficult to fight the peer pressure of setting that annual, often quickly broken expectation for the year.

There is a term for the influx of new people at the gym.  Regular sweaters call the newbies “Resolutioners”.  The regulars feel disdain for the newbies.  They use the machines that they want to use.  They don’t follow the unwritten rules of the gym.  They generally just get in the way.  The regulars want the resolutioners to go away and as history has shown us, 92% of them will.

Just 8% of resolutions make it the full year.  ONLY 8%!

This year I have fought the peer pressure and have not set a resolution.  I will not give up diet soda, or chocolate.  I won’t work out more, or lose 100 pounds.  I don’t need the added pressure to my life.  Instead of a resolution, this year I have a “theme”.  I will be working on multiple  small goals that are all connected to the common theme of “Finishing“.

I have a list of tasks and projects that have been left undone.  I have goals to be accomplished.  There are things that I have started repeatedly and have never finished.  One by one, I will be working to make list of the uncompleted smaller.

I am happy to report that I have already crossed oneIMG_5709 item off of my list.  The elusive Sudoku book.  I have NEVER finished an entire Sudoku book.  It gets lost, ruined, or thrown out before all of the numbers are carefully entered.  I made it my first mission of finishing in 2014.  It was liberating to turn the page to that last puzzle.  Puzzle 117.  For years I had pondered what that moment of finishing would feel like.  It was hard to fill in the last few squares, but it felt empowering all the same.   It was so great to take something off the “finishing list!”

There are two more things up next on the mission of finishing.  First a blanket that was started in 2010.  I am only 9 long rows from being done.

The second is a far more challenging goal.  I desire to finish a chap stick, to keep a tube from being lost or sent through washer before I reach  the very end!  Has this ever been done?  I polled everyone in my office and according to my data, this would be a first!!!

Heres to 2014, the year of finishing.  (And soft lips.)

Small Victories

     Ben doesn’t love food.  He could go long stretches without eating.  He just doesn’t think about eating as an important part of life.  When he does eat, it is in very limited quantities and from a very small group of foods.  He was a sweet tooth and is a crab monster.  We have spent a lot of energy and therapy time working on requesting food, staying at the table, eating foods that he doesn’t love.  But still eating is a challenge.
     Ben as eats in cycles.  He will eat pudding every day for three weeks.  Then it becomes equivalent to liver and haggis.  Another food takes its place.  But Ben will never give us a clue what the next food of choice is!  Eating is just a frustrating topic in this household!  But maybe the path is changing…..

     This morning, while I was making my breakfast (a toasted peanut butter banana sandwich – ritual the morning of a long run), Ben was watching me intently…  “Can I have?”  I don’t think I registered what he was saying at first..  “Mommy, can I have?”  He was clearly pointing at the bread in my hand.  Ben wanted bread??  “NO! Sandwich!”  I can with almost 100% certainty credit this word and this desire to a game he plays on the iPad.  He has to feed the animal the foods that appear over their heads.  If you give them the wrong foods, they make silly faces and sounds.  He LOVES this game.  When he plays it, I get to hear my favorite belly laughs.
    Grabbing the jelly from the fridge, I have a shadow as I go to the counter..  Time to break out a kitchen gadget!  I have been waiting for the moment, when I get to make my little boy a sandwich.  (I know if seems silly, but when your child doesn’t eat like a typical child, these moments become huge in your mind.)  I grabbed my Pampered Chef Cut and Seal and got to the important task of fulfilling this request.  Trying not to get my hopes up that it wasn’t a fluke request, I of course put too much jelly in the center.
    
     Sandwich finished, on the plate it goes and I turn to see Ben still standing next to me with the biggest Cheshire Cat grin.  His little hand reaches up – presumably to take the plate to the table… and the sandwich is GONE!  Before I can blink, he is curled into the corner of the  couch nibbling away like a squirrel!  Normally he would be told to sit at his table, but I was too excited that he was actually eating what he asked for!  He was eating a sandwich, just like any other 3 year old boy on a Saturday morning.. sitting on the couch in his under-roos, watching cartoons… Life felt normal!


Patience Is..



“Mommy, how many dinosaurs?”

     ” One.”
“Mommy, how many horse?”
     ” Six”
“Very good.  How many butterfly?
     “Nine”
“That’s right mommy!  How many owl?”
     “Three”
“Mommy, how many elephant?”
     “Four”
“No.  Try again.  How many elephant?”
     “Five”
“Very good mommy.  How many horse?”
     “Six”

     The poster has ten animals on it and eventually we get through all ten.  How long it takes is up to me and how my memory is faring.  As soon as one round is finished, the arm on the record resets and we are right back to, “Mommy, how many dinosaurs?”

     It seems like a great conversation.  Here is Ben, communicating and having a true back and forth interaction.  But alas, here is where Autism rears its ugly head!  Welcome to the world of Echolalia.  Not familiar with this word?  We weren’t either until we had been ushered into this new world.  “Echolalia, sometimes referred to as “scripting”, is the repetition of words, phrases, intonation, or sounds of the speech of others, sometimes taken from movies, but also sometimes taken from other sources such as favorite books or something someone else has said.” (Source: AutismSpeaks.org)

     Ben has the amazing ability to make this rote speech sound natural, organic, and spontaneous.  The only difference, is that we have been through this exact sequence of questions and answers 23 times this evening and 1.3 million times before it.  The intonation never changes.  The combinations of praise and rebuff never differ from the script.  The only thing that does change is my ability to remember which numbers belong with which animals.  As with most kids, this kind of interaction always occurs when your hands are in a soapy sink of dishes.  


     Patience is… responding the the 1,300,001st question, even though the answer hasn’t changed since the previous 1,300,000 times.  Patience is… answering over and over to feel some semblance of a normal conversation with your three year old.  Plus.. how can you say no to that face!

     


 I am currently in training for my FIRST half marathon and I making this run into a fundraiser.  I will be running to benefit the children of Variety Child Learning Center.  Please check out the info!

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